My new life as an honorary Siberian

Following on from my last blog I can see from the comments left by you dear readers that there are some points I need to cover. 

Let’s begin: I am a WELSHMAN, meaning I am not English. 

This is a point of particular importance because if you travel to Wales and call a Welshman ‘English’, you will probably wish that you were back in Siberia surrounded by hungry bears. Wales is not England, but a separate country.

The confusion comes from terms such as the United Kingdom and Great Britain. All these terms mean is that Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland are ruled over by the English, AGAINST THEIR WILL. You see, Britain used to be populated by Celtic people known as Britons. 

After the Romans (who had invaded in 43AD) departed in the 5^th century, Britain was left vulnerable and was promptly invaded a second time by Anglo-Saxons who stole part of Britain and called it England. Since then Welsh, Scottish and Irish culture has been corrupted and violated by English folk who continue to have their wicked way. 

I am Welsh first and British against my will. It’s a bit like calling all Russian, Polish and Ukrainian people ‘Soviet’. 

It clumps a whole group of different cultures and identities under one flag largely against their will. The identity of the Soviet ‘Union’ is something that most Siberian people that I have met wish to move away from, much in the same way that Welsh people wish to move away from the identity of the 'United' Kingdom. 

Believe me; even though Britain is a group of separate countries stuck together we as a people are about as united as Gerard Depardieu and France. 

Now the history lesson is over I’d like to continue with the recent events in my new life as an honourary Siberian.

Over the past week I have received 3 care packages from my family and friends in Wales. Mostly chocolate, OXO stock cubes and chocolate mints. This at first made my wife slightly annoyed as she couldn’t understand why I would want these things. 

Siberia is after all a chocoholic’s paradise, in most supermarkets and smaller independent stores you can normally find hundreds of varieties of chocolates and candies. There are so many in fact that I have never managed to eat the same one twice, even though I have visited Siberia 5 times and have been a resident now for 5 months. 

The fact is I simply missed the taste of home, especially chocolate mints as they for some reason are not easily available in Krasnoyarsk.

Now I am in possession of at least 8 kilos of British chocolates, I find myself being over protective of them, like a zek from Solzhenitsyn’s ‘One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich’ would covet a fish eye in his soup in. 

This kind of behaviour, although understandable as I am far from home, can be seen as offensive, especially here where Siberians have a culture of sharing. Indeed I couldn’t have survived so long without the help of my wife and her family. As I am only just beginning to find work as an English teacher I have been supported mainly by my wife, an IT engineer. 

When I needed a warmer coat I was provided one by my father-in-law; when my wife and I were short of food or cooking utensils, these were provided by my mother-in-law or one of our neighbours. When it came to Nastya and I moving in together, had her parents not helped us with the deposit we could never have afforded our own apartment, or the furniture inside it. 

The 3^rd care package arrived yesterday. It was full of Cadbury Dairymilk bars and Crème eggs; perhaps when I am finished counting the chocolate eggs over and over I will begin to share them out amongst my Russian family. There is after all 8 kilos of the stuff.

Coming back to the subject of warm winter clothes, when I returned to Siberia in November last year, I packed mainly for winter, completely neglecting the fact that I would be spending the next 3 years in Russia and would therefore need summer clothes too. 

One of the things I brought and was very careful about choosing was my Snow boots. I spent hours in shops and on the internet trawling over very expensive boots with elaborate descriptions and specifications. 

This was all a waste of time. The boots I brought from Britain cracked and began to fall apart after only 2 months use. In hindsight I wouldn’t have wasted my time or money, because Siberia being full of snow in winter has the most fantastic and inexpensive snow boots you can imagine, plus everything else you need to survive. 

If any of you ever consider a holiday in Russia over the winter period, such as a trip on the famous Trans-Siberian railway, I would suggest ignoring all those ‘outdoor’ clothes available in your country; you know the ones, they have famous names and cost a small fortune. 

I used to buy those products because I thought the famous brand and high price was an indicator of quality and hardiness. It isn’t. 

Russians know more about winter clothes than anyone, so if you’re going to visit Russia in winter, buy cheap stuff to come over with then visit a Russian outdoor shop to buy your coat, shirts, trousers and boots, not only will you save lots of money but you’ll get quality clothes and boots that can withstand a severe beating. To put this in clear perspective, my British bought snow boots cost £100 or more and failed in temperatures below -10. 

My Russian boots however cost the equivalent of £30 and can handle temperatures as low as -60. 

It’s a no brainer. 

Michael Oliver-Semenov is a professional poet and writer from Wales, the small but stoic country parked next to England.

After serving as the first poet in residence for Blown, the British magazine for cultural intelligence, Michael emigrated to Krasnoyarsk, Siberia to live with his wife and translator Anastasia Semenova.

When he is not growing vegetables at their family dacha in summer, or avoiding the wild Siberian hounds of winter, Michael is a freelance English teacher, editor and contributor to The Siberian Times.

His forthcoming expose on Siberian life ‘Sunbathing in Siberia:'A marriage of east and west in Post-Soviet Russia’ is due for release in spring 2014 and will be available online and in all book stores worth anything.